We are all emotional beings. We have tendencies to react differently depending on the certain situation. But, there is one reliable constant. We will have an emotional response to a particular situation. We are constantly feeling, processing, judging, believing, reacting…
The Emotional Cycle and Switch
Like the seasons, our emotions cycle. Sometimes we are happy and it lasts for days. The world looks brighter, the sky bluer, the grass more green, and you think nothing could ever get you down, you are blessed and joyful. Other times we are in darkness, and we can’t figure out how to get out. We are in a cycle of fear, anger, resentment, sadness, hurt, and back to fear. We doubt we will feel happy again, it feels like it’s out of our reach.
But then something happens, and we snap out of our funk. We experience something happy and we are able to see the light again, or at least less darkness. Those are great days. They are days where we feel resilient, we feel confident, we feel grateful. We are in control of our lives, and we are proud.
Our emotions can be like a light switch. Sometimes it feels like we can turn it on and off. It gives us a false sense of security and a belief that we can not only handle what comes at us, but we can do it with ease. All we must do is flip the switch and we’re back in business. But people aren’t robots, life is not linear, and we are not simplistic or straightforward beings. We are complex, confusing, surprising, delicate, and ever evolving.
We are delicate because sometimes we experience an event that completely sidelines us. It knocks the wind out of us, leaving us spinning and breathless. There are events that occur that we struggle to recover from. These might be viewed as large or small, but no matter what they appear like, they are all consuming to us. We try desperately to flip the switch but are unable to get the desired results.
Resiliency
How can we shake what seems unshakable? How can we get our footing when we don’t know what way is up? How can we continue, pretending that we are whole, when we feel fractured? Some of us are resilient and don’t feel this way very often and others feel it regularly, or even worse, constantly.
Our emotional intelligence is a large factor in how we respond, and so is our resiliency. Think of resiliency as our fountain of tolerance and energy. When we experience a situation and we go to the fountain, is it full or empty? If it's full, chances are we will rebound quickly. If it’s empty however, we will struggle to release the emotion, we will become a captive.
How to Sit With Emotion
How do we free ourselves once we’re captive? We must feel the emotion in order to release it. We must understand its roots so that we can move on. We must sit with the emotions, as uncomfortable as that is, to gain control and be able to release the emotions. This is not an easy or quick process, but it is beneficial and necessary to live a life of contentment and freedom. One of the analogies I like is you don’t scream at a crying baby, you rock it. You can’t ignore the crying baby either; you must tend to it and rock the baby. The same is true for your emotions. You can’t scream at them to shut up, you must sit quietly with them and try to understand why they are acting up, why they are triggered, and what you can do to quiet them.
When you feel an emotion rising, do your best to name it. What emotional ingredients does it possess? Is it threatening to you, or just an annoyance? Do you feel palpitations, or just a slight discomfort? Do you feel darkness engulfing you, or just a little drizzle? The more you understand, the more you honor what you are feeling, the more you comprehend it, the more you will be able to do to help yourself. So, sit with your emotions, even when it is brutally painful and lonely. Sit with them and study them until you start to see a glimmer of light breaking through the engulfing darkness. Don’t give up on yourself. You know yourself best. You deserve better, and you deserve knowledge to help yourself avoid the cliff the next time your emotions bring you to the precipice.
Breathe, study, process, honor, release, and grow.
Want more information regarding honoring emotions, fulfillment, and reaching your highest potential?
You can visit Dr. Hilary’s Boundless Performance Coaching Website here.